Today is the 35 anniversary of my moms death. I still remember that day as if it happened yesterday. I continue to have nightmares about it. I walked past her room as she was shot, I was the one who had to check her pulse and call the police. I was the one who had to get out of the way as the guy who did it ran passed me and yelled tell the police she did it her self. I had to make sure my niece and nephew were safe and had no idea what had happened. I was the one who had to go to court and face him. I was there when they let him go, and I was pregnant at the time. I wanted to die that day.

You never know what tomorrow will bring. I never thought that at 17 I wouldn't have a mom , my unborn child wouldn't have a grandmother, but it happened. Mothers day is coming, remember your mom, if she is still with you be very happy and tell her how much you love her. Hug her. I know mothers aren't perfect, but if your life is better than there's they did a good job. I tried to give my kids a better life than mine, and I think I did, I hope I did. There were things that I did that I am not proud of, and I have asked God to forgive me for them.

Sometimes I am very sad and depressed, I still cry for my mother, sometimes I still need to talk to her. I can cry for no reason when these times comes, and I hate it. I hated that I had to go through this. I know everyone has had things happen to them, but there aren't many people who saw there mom get killed. Someone said to me the other day, you never call me, well you have a phone to.

Please, I am begging you, be happy that you still have your mom because no one knows what tomorrow will bring. Cherish your mom, she is the one that loves you unconditional. She will try to help you if possible.

I wish the nightmares would stop, but I think I will have them till the day I die. It is something that I am going to have to accept. My mom wasn't the best mom in the world, but she was my mom, and I still miss her.